Insecurities

So today I'm going to do a more personal blog, I did have plans to write something different but I think I'll save it for next week. My plan for the next couple of weeks is to build up a better relationship with my audience and hope that you will provide me with your own opinions. As such for this week I'm going to be discussing my own insecurities, and boy do I have a lot. I know that everyone does and it's always interesting to think of how these came about. Understandably our culture has a lot to do with it, we are surrounded by all these expectations: the perfect body, the perfect skin, and of course everything to do with our personal lives. So it's not surprising that we end up so self conscious.

Now being a sensitive person I am incredibly susceptible to things like this. My biggest worry at the moment is that I'm not dating. I know how ridiculous this sounds but its true. I am a very quiet person so I don't attract very much attention as it is and all my life I've struggled with image issues so the fact that evidently no takes much of an interest in me is really not helping that. Now I'm not very social which I am aware is a big factor in this but I'm working on it. Something else that doesn't help is that my best friend happens to be getting married, and I am the maid of honour. We've just gone dress shopping and wedding preparations have begun which leaves me feeling more vulnerable then ever. Don't get me wrong, I adore my friend and her fiancé and I'm so glad that I'm so involved in the wedding however my feelings continue to hit me with that loneliness.

Over the past couple of years my insecurities about my looks and my body shape have decreased tremendously. I no longer feel like I need to cover up my face with makeup or freak out about how clothes fit on my body. This decreased worry about my looks has really increased my confidence and helped improve my communication skills with other people. This is because I'm no longer worrying about how I look and I can start really thinking about what they're saying and of course it gives me the confidence to go up to others. This change started by some advice that i got. Everyday when I looked in my mirror I had to find something I liked about myself. Simple but obviously effective.

Another of my big insecurities is actually to do with my writing. I started this blog as a way to get my opinions out there and to become a part of the major online community. I wanted to provide intelligent musings and create something that people looked forward to reading every week. I suppose I have set really high standard for myself because I've only had this running for a couple of months and I feel as though its not going so well. However I do suppose that I almost expected rating to boom within a couple of weeks. As such I am always looking for ways to improve my blog and attract more readers. And I am constantly looking to get feedback on it. I know I ask this frequently but if you could just take a minute to say something, anything about my blog that would be great. Tips, suggestions, questions and ideas are so very welcome!

As I said I have many insecurities and I have provided you with my main ones but I have a lot of small and really ridiculous ones I thought I'd share as well. Now I am a fast reader most of the time but sometimes I like to take my time with my book and I take longer to read it. Now a while ago someone just made a really innocent remark about how it was taking me a while to read a book and ever since then I've felt this obligation to finish a book within a certain time frame. Almost as if I have a deadline or that people are judging me on how fast I read a book. I also hate feeling stupid in front of people, so when in new company I rarely say anything for fear of looking like an idiot. Even if its people I've known for a while, I am so reluctant to share an opinion on a subject in case it's the wrong one. Yeah, a wrong opinion.

So those are just some of the things that keep me up at night with worry. If you'd like please feel free to share your own or even some of your solutions for helping to getting rid of these feelings. As I said this is an incredibly personal topic which obviously I am very sensitive about so if you do comment, please no hate. I have not written this to gain pity, I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm writing this to build a relationship with my audience. Or you rather. And please once again do comment and give feedback or I will be once again left in the dark as to how this post was received. On that note I leave you for another week, may yours be wonderful!